As many will tell you, the recovery process always seems counter intuitive on some level because it challenges everything you believe about yourself and the behaviors you have adopted to survive.  Working with your recovery manger to learn how you came to criticize, shame and guilt yourself for your feelings - which are the underpinning of your addictions – is an imperative part of the process.  It is important to realize that a certain degree of emotional maturity is required to confront your feelings directly, without self-ridicule or self-judgment.  Freeing yourself from any sort of addiction involves growing emotionally and learning to redefine your relationship to yourself.  Emotional growth is the inevitable outcome when you begin dealing with your past and learn that it no longer has power over you.  The recovery process is really more about learning to manage your relationship to your feelings; it is not about learning to control them. Addictions are only truly extinguished when there's no longer a need to run from your self and your feelings.

So what happens when you reach the stage in your recovery when you have learned to manage yourself and you are finally free from the grip of your addictions?  This can be both a liberating and a daunting phase of recovery.  The question becomes what do you want to accomplish and how will you get there?   Here are some important steps you can take to ensure you accomplish your goals no matter what they are.

Envision your future
·      Ask yourself what is the life you have always wanted.  What would that look like?  What would you be doing?  Who would be there with you?  Indulge yourself - don’t be afraid to dream big.

Write it down
·      Write a letter to the future you.  Describe what you are doing, how it feels to be there and what you have accomplished.

Use reminders
·      Surround yourself with little reminders of your vision.  If you want a new car, for instance, place a miniature version of the car you want in a place you will always see it to remind you of your goal.

Make a plan
·      Revisit your plan and break it down into manageable parts and begin to address each part individually by crafting a practical plan to attain each.

Move Forward
·      Move forward with an open mind.  Things don’t always turn out the way we envision, but by locking ourselves into one of way of looking at things, we block the possibility of something better.  Be open to possibilities.

Don’t get bogged down in the little things
·      No matter what you feel in the moment - lonely, self-critical, tired, lazy, or disappointed - do something to maintain momentum, even if it’s one little thing.

There’s an old adage that says that true courage isn’t about not feeling fear; it’s about feeling fear and acting anyway.  

Find your place in the sun!

As a teacher I am all too aware of the epidemic of cell phone addiction, aka nomophobia - you see it everywhere you go.  Recently I was sitting in my favorite pastry shop working when I took notice of the couple who sat down next to me.  Their introductions lead me to believe they were on a first date.  I wouldn’t have paid much attention to them, frankly, if I wasn’t struck by their odd behavior.  Not five minutes into their date they sat in silence looking down at their cell phones.  It seems this has become the norm, especially among younger age groups.  The irony is that the very technology that has been designed to bring us together seems to be separating us even further.

The issue isn’t so much the idea of staying connected with those in your life, but rather the way it alters the connections themselves.  The way people view and interact with those in their lives has become disconnected.  Interestingly, when filtered through technology, many adopt a completely different set of social mores and/or a different persona.  For many the removed aspect technology affords gives them a chance to feel heard.  Complications can easily arise, however, when they are called upon to interact with people directly.  Engaging in predominately online relationships has left many of today’s youth socially illiterate and unable to navigate the many complex demands of actual relationships.

The question arises, is this constant connectedness via technology an addiction that impedes genuine connections?  Behavioral dependence occurs when the body has to adjust to behaviors or actions by incorporating the behaviors or actions into its 'normal' functioning.  As with physical addictions, behavioral addictions are characterized as having stages of reward, tolerance and withdrawal.  As tolerance grows, the addicted person needs to seek more and more stimulation to sustain a desired level of pleasurable payoff.  This can also be accompanied by withdrawal, which is categorized as a deep feeling of loss and a craving for the desired gratification.

It is alarming that these disorders are now being considered at the medical and scientific level.  Nevertheless, it is an important topic for discussion since technology has become a necessary part of our lives.  The biggest issue for many is the overlap of its use.  Technology is used in education, socializing and entertainment, making it difficult to focus on one when you have such easy and immediate access to the other.

It’s clear we need to establish guidelines for our relationships and ourselves where technology is concerned.  Unfortunately there is no critical way to easily distinguish someone who has an addiction to a technology from someone who doesn’t.  So how can you learn to cope with potentially damaging impulsive behavior?  The answer is learning to strike a balance.

Taking care to cultivate and nurture your relationship in each other’s physical presence allows you to establish a firm foundation from which to draw upon.  When communication via technology is desired or necessitated, you are more likely to be received and understood.  In the end, it is important to realize that technology is merely a tool that extends a relationship; it is not meant to supplant it.

Above article contributed by Kirk Widra M.Ed. for more visit www.kirkwidra.com