This bumper sticker flashed before my eyes as a car whizzed through the stop sign and nearly hit me. After we exchanged some choice words and multiple hand gestures, I was back on my way no worse for wear. A rather insightful choice for a bumper sticker for someone who obviously can’t read let alone drive, by I digress…
In an interesting parallel, I was replaying a confrontation I had with a friend in my mind. According to her I supposedly offended her when I called her recent actions into question at a mutual friends dinner party. She said I was over reacting and trying to make her feel guilty for enjoying herself. I replayed our conversation a dozen times in my mind. No! She was acting out in a way that was inappropriate and jeopardizing her sobriety not to mention our friendship of 15+ years and that was all there was to it!
In volatile situations most people immediately react with anger of their own and / or move quickly to defend themselves and their actions. Both reactions are inappropriate. It is true that the angry person is afraid of something, as anger is more often than not simply a mask for fear or insecurity, but that is their lesson and not yours. Your lesson is to work out why you are having the feelings that you are having. You are reacting because of those feelings and not because of the other person's antagonism. For someone on the road to recovery these situations can be hard to handle and may lead to poor choices and negative consequences.
This person has been brought into your life to teach you something and your part in the drama is to work out what you have to learn from it, take ownership of it and move ahead the best you can one step at a time. You see nothing is worth jeopardizing your hard earned sobriety. The truth is that people who have lived with addictions of any kind in their lives are hurt and may not have worked out how to heal that hurt (particularly co-dependents such as myself). When you realize that, you may find that your own feelings will change very naturally into compassion, as was the case for me.
Several days later I met with my friend and told her how much I loved and cared about her but when she was engaging in those behaviors I was worried she was undermining all she had worked for and that was upsetting. She hugged me and said you know my recovery is for me to work out not you. I agreed and realized I had been projecting my own fears and experiences of my childhood spent dealing with an alcoholic parent onto her. As we hugged, she reached into her bag and handed me a magnet that read - you guessed it -“Life Is A Journey Not A Guilt Trip”. For some reason I thought of you when I saw this she said with a smile.
In an interesting parallel, I was replaying a confrontation I had with a friend in my mind. According to her I supposedly offended her when I called her recent actions into question at a mutual friends dinner party. She said I was over reacting and trying to make her feel guilty for enjoying herself. I replayed our conversation a dozen times in my mind. No! She was acting out in a way that was inappropriate and jeopardizing her sobriety not to mention our friendship of 15+ years and that was all there was to it!
In volatile situations most people immediately react with anger of their own and / or move quickly to defend themselves and their actions. Both reactions are inappropriate. It is true that the angry person is afraid of something, as anger is more often than not simply a mask for fear or insecurity, but that is their lesson and not yours. Your lesson is to work out why you are having the feelings that you are having. You are reacting because of those feelings and not because of the other person's antagonism. For someone on the road to recovery these situations can be hard to handle and may lead to poor choices and negative consequences.
This person has been brought into your life to teach you something and your part in the drama is to work out what you have to learn from it, take ownership of it and move ahead the best you can one step at a time. You see nothing is worth jeopardizing your hard earned sobriety. The truth is that people who have lived with addictions of any kind in their lives are hurt and may not have worked out how to heal that hurt (particularly co-dependents such as myself). When you realize that, you may find that your own feelings will change very naturally into compassion, as was the case for me.
Several days later I met with my friend and told her how much I loved and cared about her but when she was engaging in those behaviors I was worried she was undermining all she had worked for and that was upsetting. She hugged me and said you know my recovery is for me to work out not you. I agreed and realized I had been projecting my own fears and experiences of my childhood spent dealing with an alcoholic parent onto her. As we hugged, she reached into her bag and handed me a magnet that read - you guessed it -“Life Is A Journey Not A Guilt Trip”. For some reason I thought of you when I saw this she said with a smile.
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