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The Poverty of Expectations

11/11/2013

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If you are of a traditional mindset you most likely feel the joy and pain that you receive is in direct proportion to what you deserve. You may even be conflicted by the feeling that the price of what you have fought so hard for is the same as what you have lost. As such you never feel deserving of the good that comes your way, you feel no sense of accomplishment or joy. In the end you feel as though life is somehow conspiring against you to prevent you from achieving your goals. According to Jack Canfield American motivational speaker and author of Chicken Soup for the Soul,

“A lot of people feel like they’re victims in life, and they’ll often point to past events, perhaps growing up with an abusive parent or in a dysfunctional family. Most psychologists believe that about 85 percent of families are dysfunctional, so all of a sudden you’re not so unique. My parents were alcoholics. My dad abused me. My mother divorced him when I was six…I mean, that’s almost everybody’s story in some form or not. The real question is, what are you going to do now? What do you choose now? Because you can either keep focusing on that, or you can focus on what you want. And when people start focusing on what they want, what they don’t want falls away, and what they want expands, and the other part disappears.”

In a world consumed by consuming and a culture that uses the amassing of goods and services as the gauge of self worth we have become trapped in the poverty of expectation. We are forever wanting. Wanting to fit in, wanting to be thought of in a positive light by others, wanting to feel we are somehow superior and by extension safe or spared from life’s little inconveniences. This is a dangerous mindset for anyone let alone those in recovery.

As Canfield asserts, if we continue to place the blame on others, not take responsibility for our own prosperity and gauge success solely by our ability to amass things we are doomed to remain trapped in the role of the victim. Success and prosperity are not about outward signs of success but the inward sense of purpose and the choice to be happy. If we have the courage and strength to move ahead and focus on what really matters everything else falls away, and a true sense of accomplishment and joy can emerge regardless of the circumstances.

This is the root of the recovery process, the right to choose to be happy; to realize you are not a victim of circumstances, and to define your own set of expectations. The things that have happened to you in the past or the things that others say you should do not define you. You are responsible for your own life; you define what is important to you. All you need do is believe that and work hard to focus your efforts to get what you most want out of your life.


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    This blog is maintained by Esther Kaplin. Unless otherwise attributed, all material has been written by Esther Kaplin. The material herein is copyrighted material and may not be copied or used without explicit written permission.

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    Esther Kaplin provides this blog as a recovery information resource to be accessed by anyone. It is not a substitute for the advice of your recovery manager. Links may be provided to other sites developed and maintained by those organizations and therefore does not monitor on regular basis the content of these sites. All users of this site assume full responsibility for accessing and using the information contained herein. Esther Kaplin is neither responsible nor liable for any claims or loss and /or of damage resulting from its use. If a user has an immediate concern, they are advised to seek help from a qualified health care professional.


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